I went for a journey late last night; a journey that would take me to places of fear, frustration, emotional tranquility, and spiritual guidance. Now, listen to the story of my expedition.
It was a good night for a walk, as good as any I suppose. I admittedly disregard the weather or time of night when I feel the need to clear my over cumbered mind in a cool night breeze. I had spent my day in my usual form of participating in various activities that serve no consequence or purpose to life or the world around me, often reflecting on issues that leave me stagnant and unable to move forward to a place of purpose. I brought my issues before friends who have gained understanding through experiences of their own and before the Creator who speaks in ways I find so easy to ignore. Now, I leave my abode to step into the blackness of nightfall.
It was a warm night, far too warm to be wearing the flannel shirt that I had decided to sport. I began my walk surly, as I had a thousand times before. Tonight was meant to be different; I had set out to seek the voice of God. As I trudged to the ocean side walkway I noticed the obvious, it was very crowded for the hour at hand, and the walkway was full of delinquent youth and others of ill-repute. The low, hypnotic thumping that echoed down the streets gave me the feeling of fear. Often, I would find myself throwing a glance over my shoulder as a means of assuring myself of safety. My frustration grew, “How can I find the voice of God in this mess?” It seems, if anything, a prophetic question given the current state of my psyche and soul. As my journey progressed my feet stepped from pavement on the familiar beaten path of the marsh side walkway. At this point I had passed the juvenile crowds and was in a place where only wind and cars created distractions. I crossed the road to have a seat on the stone barrier that kept the sea from the street that scared the coastline. I have little tolerance for the developed world. I would much rather be placed upon a quieter beach with less human interference. I sat and sought.
I had such a heavy heart. I was torn between the advice given to me by the counsel of the godly and my heart. I needed to hear from the Living God, who indeed has all the answers. Tears wet my face as I began my prayer. I spoke aloud my concerns and questions. It was still noisy. I sat and tried to listen for God’s voice in the wind, or squeal of a tire. I saw in the horizon the rotation of a lighthouse, which I wanted to be a sign from God. I wanted something that would be concrete, something I could hold on too. As I sat there the world grew silent for a moment, the horizon appeared only as a two dimensional painting of a man made creation, and the sound of human creation ceased. All was still, with the sound of wind blowing in my ear and the sound of a lonely seagull who I assume was making his prayers and request known to his Creator as well. I felt God’s gentle caress over my heart in this moment, “My son. I am still here with you. You have sat here with your sorrows and frustrations, crying out to me. I have listened, and I am still here with you. Your questions all have answers, but not answers that you will know right now. Your problems all have solutions, but where would you be if you never worked through your past problems. In your weakness I will make you stronger. Do not fear. I am with you.” As quickly as the quiet had come, it had left.
I had such a heavy heart. I was torn between the advice given to me by the counsel of the godly and my heart. I needed to hear from the Living God, who indeed has all the answers. Tears wet my face as I began my prayer. I spoke aloud my concerns and questions. It was still noisy. I sat and tried to listen for God’s voice in the wind, or squeal of a tire. I saw in the horizon the rotation of a lighthouse, which I wanted to be a sign from God. I wanted something that would be concrete, something I could hold on too. As I sat there the world grew silent for a moment, the horizon appeared only as a two dimensional painting of a man made creation, and the sound of human creation ceased. All was still, with the sound of wind blowing in my ear and the sound of a lonely seagull who I assume was making his prayers and request known to his Creator as well. I felt God’s gentle caress over my heart in this moment, “My son. I am still here with you. You have sat here with your sorrows and frustrations, crying out to me. I have listened, and I am still here with you. Your questions all have answers, but not answers that you will know right now. Your problems all have solutions, but where would you be if you never worked through your past problems. In your weakness I will make you stronger. Do not fear. I am with you.” As quickly as the quiet had come, it had left.
My journey was over. I returned to my room and digested the events of the evening, understanding that God is still and always with me.
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